These issues a person carries around all the time. You don't need anyone else's company or presence or participation to suffer.
| can't decide | you don't know if you should change something about your life
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| once you've decided, now what? | once you've made up your mind to change you don't know what to do next
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| low self esteem | you don't feel happy about yourself, that you don't measure up
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| perfectionism | you must do everything perfectly, or at least attempt to (which is darn hard to do)
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| procrastination | you put off doing things that need doing
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| low self worth | you feel unworthy of the goodies of life, that you're flawed at some core level
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| victimized | somehow you're always getting ripped off, cheated, assaulted, or abused
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| try hard | everything you do needs an all out effort, nothing seems to come easy, "life is hard, then you die"
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| be strong | you believe life would work out for you if only you were emotionally stronger, or if you could roll with the punches, or if you were somewhat insensitive, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" (they never seem to notice that they're dragging their guts along behind them - until it's too late. See try hard.)
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| please others | sometimes you wonder if you should change your name to ‘door mat' because you feel compelled to do what others want
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| hurry up | life is a hectic out of control rush, "my schedule is crazy, I'm always on the go"
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| anxious | you cannot understand why, but you feel anxious a lot, emotionally on edge, jumpy
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| anxiety disorder | you get all anxious or frightened about something with seemingly no good reason
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| phobias | you're frightened of a specific object or situation beyond what's normal
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| tired | doctors say it's not physical
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| irritable | you snarl and snap at any and every thing, including yourself
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| bad thoughts | unbidden they pop into your head like satanic demons
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| directionless | your life has no direction or purpose
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| hopelessness, depression | "what's the use" or "why bother", "why should I even get out of bed in the morning"
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| isolated | you feel alone in the world
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| abandoned | you feel abandoned, shipwrecked on the planet earth
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| poor me | "why does this always happen to me?"
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| it ain't fair | "I don't deserve this. It just isn't fair."
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| hate the world | "well f___ you! F___ everyone!"
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| trust | you have trouble trusting, or the flip side - you trust too quickly and easily
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| undisciplined | you somehow cannot do what you know needs doing
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| compulsive | you feel compelled to do something, usually repeatedly
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| obsessive | you just can't seem to get your mind off a subject
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| who am I | most people don't understand themselves, why they feel the way they do, why they react the way they do, why they are the way they are.
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| script | after an unpleasant experience you hear yourself say "that's the story of my life"
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| Relating Issues:
| These problems are manifested while relating to others, either in reality or in your head as a fantasy or day dream. The following is a partial list.
| Arguing/Bickering/Fighting
| If you think this activity is just a normal part of a relationship, think again. To be blunt about it, that's like saying chronic diarrhea is normal. It may be your normality; but it isn't healthy or fun. Of course two people in a relationship will differ from each other on many subjects, but to attempt to resolve those differences solely through conflict doesn't contribute to intimacy and love.
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| | Uproar | There are three positions on the drama triangle: Victim, Villain, and Rescuer. The drama starts with two or more players taking roles. So for example you and your spouse start with you being victim and him/her being rescuer. After that, people change roles and almost anything can happen but the outcome is always the same and predictable - all the players feel ‘bad'. The most frequent form of this drama in a marriage is the wife who wants to talk about a personal problem and the husband who attempts to tell her how to solve it. In a friendship it happens over tea or coffee as the "can I give you some friendly advice" question, or "here's what I'd do" or "here's what I think you should do", or even "have you tried ...?"
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| | Listening | The old adage is "Since we have two ears and one mouth we should listen twice as much as we talk." But listening is not simply a matter of sitting there allowing sound to go into your ears. Some wives state they can hear their own voices echoing around in their husbands empty head. That's obviously not listening. There is a skill involved. If someone says to you that you don't listen, you probably aren't.
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| | Co-Dependancy | A fancy word bandied about and defined differently by anyone who writes a book about it. Generally it means loss of identity. People don't necessarily experience it that way however. It takes the form of needing another person to be in your life, that the other person makes your life worthwhile or validates you, or that your partner's problems are also your problems.
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| | Passionless | How can you and your partner sustain a zesty love life in the face of all the challenges of today's fast paced world? Go to bed tired, wake up tired, trudge the same daily boring regimen ... with maybe a couple of scattered weeks of vacation which only underscores the problem on your return.
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