It's so easy to pick up the phone and make a call that most people do it without thinking. Every call you make impacts another person, and that's a fact. So you have a choice, positive impact, negative impact, or neutral impact. Neutral is such a fine grey area that it is almost a non-issue. Even phoning for directory information can be made positive or negative since the operator is monitoring the call.

When you make a call you obviously want something from the person at the other end. Your success will depend on your approach and strategy. Would you go into an important meeting without a strategy? Then why do it on the phone?

Plan the Call

Identify yourself. Even for family members. The reason is not so much so they know who you are but to establish your power and position. By formally declaring who you are, you are sending an ulterior transaction: like a king or queen, "I am important enough to be announced" from your Adult to theirs. Helps prevent Parent Child transactions.

State the purpose of your call. This will establish why you are calling - to visit or chat, or deal with some business or whatever. A clear statement of intent sets the tone for the call and sends the message that you have been thoughtful about it. The ulterior transaction is that you are powerful.

Ask for the time you need to conduct your call. This communicates your respect for their personal power and who they are as a person - a stroke. It also reinforces the fact that you have been thoughtful about the call. Again a characteristic of a powerful person.

Make your points. Be as succinct as possible. State your commitments. Clarify dates and times, follow up or follow through actions, and ... Ask for what you want (if appropriate). Don't hint (ie. I could really use your camera.).

Sign off. Plan how you'll do this! Be proactive. Take the stance that your time is valuable, their time is valuable and you've accomplished the purpose of your call. Including a stroke is a great way to leave a call. Another way to exit is to plan the next call.

Write the plan down on paper. If it's worth doing it's worth writing it down. For those calls that you feel anxious about, rehearse with someone who can role play the other party. Modify as required by these trial runs. If you're the kind of person who would rather just plunge on in, here's a question for you. Why is it that every Olympic athlete and every pro athlete, practices? Why is it that every person starting a new activity does better in the long run by taking lessons and practicing? Are you so naturally gifted that practice would make no improvement? Is your rate of telephone success so high that it couldn't go up a little more with some modifications? Pete Rose once said "The more balls I hit in practice, the luckier I get!"

Positioning

From the TA point of view, for almost all calls, the Adult is the best since it is a here-and-now state. Here are a few tips on getting into Adult prior to the call, and staying there once the call begins.

Write it down. I cannot emphasize this enough. Plan your call and write it down. Then as the call proceeds jot notes on the plan as the person responds to you. Taking notes will help you stay Adult. Even if you feel yourself moving to Parent or Child (especially regressed Child) keep taking notes for the post-call debriefing you'll want to do.

Physically position yourself appropriate to the purpose of the call. If it's a chat call, get yourself in a comfortable spot. If it's to discuss an issue - sit in an upright chair at a desk. If you need to be sending 'friendly' ulterior messages, get yourself in front of a mirror to see your smiling face. If it's a quick, high energy announcement type call, stand up and pace beside a desk with your note pad ready. Get a headset so you can talk and take notes or flip through your day planner ( you have a planner right?).