Imagine you're driving a car and the engine temperature warning light comes on. Would you stick a piece of duct tape over it and chant "Cool engine, cool engine"?

Many people do just that with the issues in their life. They use the slogans of Be Positive, Think Positive, Be Happy, Act Enthusiatic as emotional duct tape and keep on driving along till their engines seize up and their bodies or minds or emotions grind to a halt on the side of the highway!

Here's an alternative strategy, that I think has consequences I consider aligned with a getting to the destination. Ok, hot engine light comes on. I think positively "I'll pull over, shut the car down and problem solve this."

Here's the additional piece of negative thinking that I suggest increases the probability of successfully arriving at destinations in the future. After problem solving the current hot engine, I dedicate some time to looking back at how that problem came to be in the first place. A self debriefing. A constructive self criticism. Not a blame game like "I was an ass." which contributes nothing for the future. More like, "As I was departing I was day dreaming about dinner with Barbara. Instead, I could have checked the coolant level."

Now let's do the same with a personal issue - an order of magnitude more difficult for some people.

You're sitting at a traffic light when you get bumped from behind. Minor damage so you and the offending driver exchange insurance information, collect witness names and so on. Afterwards when you attempt contact, it's all fake! And you realize you didn't get the driver's licence info. Oh Oh. Your spouse, friends, neighbors, relatives, the paperboy, and the dog next door all ask you how you could have missed that vital piece! What's your likely reaction? Some of us will feel embarassed or ashamed of ourselves. Some will be angry at the offender. Some will be angry at the spouse, friends, neighbors, relatives, and especially at the dog next door.

Debrief yourself. What will you do differently next time?

Now do the negative thinking - why did I feel ashamed/angry? When have I felt that way before, especially as a child? Who in my past contributed to reinforcing that response? What was I thinking as I was feeling those emotions - thinking I was a dummy or loser, thinking other people are idiots, thiking other people are out to get me? It's these thoughts that need attending to. And thinking about them in depth will reveal how long they've been with you, how they've affected your life in detrimental ways, how they've influenced your happiness. They're like weeds, these thoughts, probably planted years ago popping up when you're under stress, causing more stress.

Follow the negative thoughts backwards, and you'll find the roots. Once you have the roots you can do something.