Transactional Analysis : Passivity

As we go through each moment of life we are faced with problems and challenges. With each, there are two ways we can deal with it. One is to use our Adult thinking, feeling, and actions. The other way is to rely on younger Child solutions - those that seemed to work in the past when we were children. This latter method is called going into script (see the Script lesson) and will almost always involve ignoring certain aspects of the current situation. If a person ignores information relevant to the solving of a problem, and does so not in awareness, we say the person the person is discounting. As observers we can't know what the person is thinking and if he or she is actually discounting; but we can observe behaviour that is indicative. The following four behaviours suggest discounting in increasing frequency or amounts.

Do Nothing - This action requires energy to stop from solving the problem. The person will feel uncomfortable, often immobile, and frequently exhausted or tired. The person may experience themselves as not thinking or not being able to think; or conversly the person may experience themselves as doing a lot of thinking without any results. In this latter case the person may focus on the story of their problem, the history, the structure, wondering if in fact it is a problem after all. To an observer this activity will clearly not be directed at solving the problem. The Child is waiting for mommy or daddy to take over.

Overadaptation - A person using this Child problem solving strategy, will be stroked by others because the person is helpful, accomodating, adaptable, and a selfless contributor. The person's Child believes the way to solve a problem is to do what the other person wants, or the 'situation requires'. So they do the dishes when it's not their turn, work when they're ill, have sex when they're not feeling like it, taxi children around when they need to rest. Usually these people believe they are thinking and responding to problems appropriately. Especially since they will be stroked for their compliance. Hubby is quite appreciative that the little woman has done the dishes. But the little woman never looks inside at what she wants as an independent person. The dishes need to be done, he won't do them so ... If you ever feel unappreciated, I invite you to look at why that is. Especially if it is a pattern. Why are you doing whatever it is? Who else could do it, really, who else could do it if you forced the issue and took care of yourself?

Agitation - Hair twiddling, foot bouncing, gum chewing, smoking, hand wringing, drumming the fingers, and nail biting are common examples of agitative behaviour: purposeless, repetitious patterned behaviour attempting to sooth a discomfort. Rather than use Adult to problem solve, a person agitates. The Child is attempting to ease a discomfort by discharging energy in a particular manner. The behaviour can be frenetic and manic in quality especially as the level of discomfort rises. Madly running around the house vacuming and cleaning or endlessly tidying up are strong indicators of high levels of discounting. the thing to be aware of when agitating is that it is one step down from violence and/or incapacitation.

Incapacitation and/or Violence - A very ineffective way to problem solve from the Child is to incapacitate self, and hope that someone will come to the rescue. This is often the case when the person's medical support team cannot find a physical cause for an ailment and the diagnosis is termed psychosomatic (see the workshop called Sparking Intuitive Health). Similarly the person may use a substance to incapacitate self. Alcohol, drugs, even tobacco is a mild form of incapacitation. Another strategy in this category is violence to self or others. On a physical level this may be anything but 'passive'; however at the psychodynamic level it is a very poor problem solving technique and a discount of ability to solve a problem.