Transactional Analysis : The Child Ego State

In lesson one I introduced the three ego states Parent, Adult, and Child. In lessons two, three, and four I talked about how communicating with another person is actually communicating between various ego states of you and the other person. So far, so good; I'll now add some detail that might help you understand your behavior or that of another, beyond Parent, Adult, Child.

As a child coming into this world you possessed certain human characteristics. You had a level of curiosity, imagination, creativity, intuition. You were selfish in the most primordial way - you wanted what you wanted when you wanted and not a second later. You were filled with a life force to carve a future for yourself. You were openly expressive of your feelings, of which you had an abundance - joy, sorrow, giggly happy, sad, fury, excitement, fear. They were all yours. You loved to feel yourself in your body, to be physical and feel the world around you, to feel yourself in the world. You were egocentric. Why the very moon itself hung in the September sky just for you. Everyone around you was there to serve you.

All this was who you were on day 1 - A Natural Child.

And as a child you needed certain things from your parents in order to physically and emotionally survive. Such things as love, care, nurturing, attention, and the physical necessities may have been at the top of your list. Being a smart little person you quickly figured out how to behave to get what you needed, and to avoid getting what you didn't need. And because every parent person is different, the decisions we each made about modifying our behavior, are different. Some of us decided to be quiet and wait to be noticed. Some of us decided to be loud in order to be noticed. Some of us decided to comply with parental requests. Some of us decided to rebel against parental requests.

But on day 2, you adapted - an Adapted Child.

So the Child ego state that we observe in ourselves and others is actually composed of two, the Natural and Adapted Child. As an adult person you have constant access to these ago states and probably are in one or the other frequently every day. Are you reading this because you think you should? You can expand your personal power by watching yourself and the Child ego states you are behaving from, in various situations. Then deciding if the ego state was appropriate.

For most people, knowing what ego state they are in means knowing how they behave when 'adapted' or in their Adapted Child because it is usually this ego state that we revert to when we are 'upset' or feeling emotional stress. And most often this ego state is not the appropriate one. But it feels the most familiar. What is your coping behavior? Do you get quiet and try to hide or get away from trouble? Do you want to lash out and fight? Do you become defensive and touchy or do you become aggressive and go to an offensive stance. Do you assume the other person is criticizing you, blaming you, implying something? Welcome to the Adapted Child.