Can't  I  Make Changes By Myself?

Sure: That's why self help books are such big sellers. We get good ideas and info. And hope from all the testimonials. And the authors must know what they're talking about right? They have all those initials behind their names after all.

Maybe Not: Here's the other reason self help books are such big sellers. Because making changes by yourself from a book is damn hard to do! People fail to make significant changes from a book. So they buy another book. And another.

Probably Not: As you attempt to make a change yourself, nobody's with you, outside your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and history looking in ... giving perspective and a different view point. Nobody's cheering you on. No one is there when you slip. No one is there inviting you to try again. No one is saying do that step over again to get it tattooed into your brain. You're stuck with just you; who'd rather go to the movies than remember how Uncle Allan laughed at you when you fell on your face that time on the ice rink and you vowed to never skate again.

Oh Oh: And for many of your changes, the people around you actually don't want you to change! It's a fact us therapists have to face all the time - a client gets tremendous pressure from people around to stay stuck!!! Here's a simple example ... a married couple, both smokers, she decides to quit. Ya think he's calm about that deep down inside? No way, tobaccay. He knows what'll happen if she succeeds - he'll get the big time pressure to quit too. So in some unconscious ways he sabotages her!

Have a Dose of Reality: Many skills we cannot learn from a book or by ourselves with any kind of success. Learning a language, even your mother tongue was taught to you. Driving a car, flying a small plane, flying a big plane for those of us who fly small planes, riding a bike and so on are examples where it's way easier to be taught than figure it out solo. My first day on my motorcycle was almost my last day on the planet, even though I'd taken a weekend course. So face some reality about personal change - it is probably harder than you think. Getting yourself a coach/teacher/psychotherapist will flatten the learning curve and get you results faster and easier.

Some Facts: Consumer Reports (1995, November) published a research based article which concluded that "patients benefited substantially from psychotherapy, that long-term treatment did considerably better than short-term treatment, and that psychotherapy alone did not differ in effectiveness from medication plus psychotherapy. Furthermore, no specific modality of psychotherapy did better than any other for any disorder. Psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers did not differ in their effectiveness; and all did better than marriage counselors and long-term family doctoring. Patients whose length of therapy or choice of therapist was limited by insurance or managed care did worse."